|..†..| You'll Be Happy On The Day I Die |..†..|

Sat, 09 Jul 2005 21:32:07 GMT

hawl motherfuckers lol

if ive added u with my new journal add me back goddamnit

thers a distinct lack of adds taking place =p

or is it just that you all dont love me *Cries*

ok *takes the hint*

*runs away*

xx

Sun, 03 Jul 2005 12:48:28 GMT

right kids..

new livejournal..

mercyme__x

cause.. i want it to be friends only.. and im not goin through every single one of these entries and makin them all friends only.. lol

plus im growing tired of this mr_razorblade thing.. bn usin it for about.. 2 years? lol

so aye anyway.. add itttt.. if ye want tht is..

xx ♥

Mon, 27 Jun 2005 04:00:31 GMT

Love in, love out, find the feeling
Scream in, scream out, time for healing
You feel the moments gone too soon
You're watching clouds come over you

Torn in two
You close your eyes for some place new
Torn in two

And I feel it's going down
Ten feet below the ground
I'm waiting for your healing hand
One touch could bring me round
I feel we're going down
Ten feet below the ground
It's just the way I'm feeling

Glow in, burn out
Lost the feeling
Bruise in, you bruise out
Nurse the bleeding

Torn in two
Each time we bruise

And I feel it's going down
Ten feet below the ground
I'm waiting for your healing hand
One touch could bring me round
I feel we're going down
Ten feet below the ground
It's just the way I'm feeling
Yeah yeah, it's just the way I'm feeling

Two different views
As words confuse and break
I can't get out
There's no way out of here
I can't get clear

Love in, love out
Find the feeling

And I feel it's going down
Ten feet below the ground
I'm waiting for your healing hand
One touch could bring me round
I feel we're going down
Ten feet below the ground
It's just the way I'm feeling

Mon, 27 Jun 2005 00:27:29 GMT

There's a sentence.. that i have to type.. to get it out of me.. but i dont want to type it.. cause i know it'll trigger all sorts of shit that i dont want.. but that sentence.. is going to kill me..

"she's not waking up today, shes never waking up again"

they were the first words to come out of my mums mouth this morning.. and i cant stop saying them over and over in my head without it making me shed some tears cause i can remember my mums exact facial expression as she said it.. while choking on her tears.. and it hurts so much to just think about it..

im still expecting to wake up and this to have not happened.. cause its just so.. not realistic.. how does something like this happen..? if about 9 doctors didnt understand it.. how the fuck can it be real..? it cant be.. thats the point.. so im expecting to just wake up and everything to be fine, for my cousins and my uncle to be fine again.. and happy.. and to only have shitty little problems that can be solved no problem.. not this shite.. i want for my mum to be ok.. exactly the same as louise sees her dad.. i have never seen my mum like this in my entire life.. sitting there in louises front room this morning talking to stephen and louise and mark and jenny.. just the things that came out of her mouth.. the things she had to say.. just broke my fucking heart.. cause i know nothing will ever.. EVER make her ok again.. there is actually no way she'll get over this.. and theres more to come.. whether its sooner or later.. its going to happen.. and its so fucking unfair on her..

yet again ive ran out of things to type.. so aye..

bye.

Sat, 25 Jun 2005 23:49:08 GMT

26 of June, 2005

Ok..

Heres the fucking big entry..

Cause it feels like a valid fucking time to make one..ok?

Well.. life is fucked..

How something so fucking important to you, that means so fucking much, that you depend on being there for your ENTIRE fucking life.. is taken away from you.. in a day.. what the fuck.. ( just so you know the word FUCK is going to take a very dominant part in this update.. )

I actually can't believe it's happened.. i can't believe it's happened.. why were we not informed of any signs.. of whateverw ould happen.. i know its not her fault, i will never EVER blame her for anything because she did fuck all wrong.. she just tried to live her life to a standard that she saw suitable.. that i saw suitable.. that her FAMILY saw suitable.. and she did a damn fucking good job of it

I can't believe i'm never going to see my own aunt again.. the strange thing is.. i can't remember my own grandads voice.. because i didn't think enough about it at time.. but i will be DAMNED if i'll ever forget how the coolest aunt in the history of the worlds voice sounded..

I hate not being able to remember things like that..

Just today.. walking about town. everything was fucking great.. everyone was happy.. yas.. we're gon tae get pished.. am quite pished right now to be honest.. but typing very VERY carefully.. but yeah anyway.. i was happy today..

Until my sister phoned me..

I actually went numb.. I couldn't believe it.. a phone call that i thought was about a fucking job application. was to take an effect on my life.. on louises <33 life .. on marks <33 life on stephens <33 life.. on my mums life <33..

I can't even imagine what she's going through just now..

Her own sister.. her YOUNGER sister.. the person she's grown up with.. been amazing friends with.. her entire life.. is now gone.. forever and how shite im feeling is absolutely NOTHING compared to what she feels..

( And you would not believe how shite i feel right now.. like.. .. ohgod i wont even say it )

I just want to be with my mum.. and hold her. and hug her.. and tell her i love her.. but i did that already.. for about half an hour.. i just sat there hugging her.. and then i walked into the kitchen..

And broke down into the worst crying ive ever done.. my sister heard me from the other room and had to come into the kitchen to try comfort me.. And then we came on here to speak to Louise <3 and told her if she ever needs anything NOT MATTER HOW SMALL OR HOW BIG she is to come to us.. because we are always here for her <33333333333

I don't even know what else to type..

My emotions are fucked..

I actually can't believe it..

I loved auntie margot so fucking much.. she was amazing, no-one could compare to her personality.. how happy she'd be every time i saw her.. i guess the only consolation is that she managed to see her daughter grow up into a woman.. now matter how young it was.. it happened.. and she was there for it..

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAREGHRGHHR *stab* i fucking hate how life works..

i'm gonna go now.. cause i dont know what else to type..

*i'm so brave, i'm in debt now, can you help me, PLEASE*

Sat, 25 Jun 2005 22:20:17 GMT

R.I.P

I'll love you forever-and ever- and ever until the end of time

xX.xX ♥ ♥ ♥

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 21:12:22 GMT

Right people..

Suggest songs for me to play..

this way youll have some initiative to come see me =p

So far i have

The Quietest Always Screams Loudest
My Jigsaw Heart
Blue in the Face - Alkaline Trio
From Fear To Eternity
A Song For a Loved One
The Quiet Things That No-one Ever Knows - Brand New
Ever So Sweet - The Early November

So aye.. suggestions..

xx ♥

[EDIT;] Don't Look Back in Anger - Oasis OH AYE!! lol =p
Letters To You - Finch =)

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 20:49:01 GMT

RIGHT

i'm doing the acoustic show lol

So you all need to come see me and support me =(

... and if you dont i'll hate you and call you all wanks forever.. lol =p .. but seriously.. i wil hate you.. lol =p

AYE anyway.. so.. yer comin along.. i dno what the price wil bee.. ye can find tht out at the door.. but we get ont he Drumgelloch train and get off at airdrie then the person will meet us to take us the place =)

so aye..

MON!

xx ♥

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 15:17:42 GMT

RIGHT

Big Big BIG important question...

SHOULD I GO DO AN ACOUSTIC SET AT A GIG IN AIRDRIE NEXT FRIDAY?!?

You see.. the thing is.. i really REALLY want to.. but i'm shittin myself cause it'll just be me on stage.. with an acoustic.. and i can't blame any mistakes on the drummer or bassist *Scared look* so ayee.. help meeeee =(

Plus: I can only think of 4 songs i could play at it so far.. =| *eeeep*

HELP ME!!!

xx ♥♥

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 01:19:03 GMT

"Guitar, bass, drums... it's been done before and it'll be done again. But if the song is amazing it doesn't matter. You can't polish a turd."

~ Simon Neil

Yas i like findin wee quotes heheh =p

xx ♥

Wed, 22 Jun 2005 17:17:23 GMT

" Next time you're making fun of someones art, ask yourself what you're doing with your life and whether or not you're chasing your dreams. "

~Ian Watkins

That's quite a cool wee quote.. heh =p

xx ♥

Wed, 22 Jun 2005 01:21:46 GMT

Ok.. before anyone thinks this.. this is NOT me being big-headed lol =p i do not agree with the person who is saying that the answer is me.. ok..? lol

WHO'S HOTTER?!

Me
M. Shadows
Zacky Vengeance
Johnny Depp

n i KNOW the answer isn't me i just need to prove this person wrong with all of your answers haha =p

xx ♥

Tue, 21 Jun 2005 02:25:02 GMT

** and i can still see your dad, runnin after me with a shovel in his hand, i don't remember much after that, lalalala, lalalala, oh oh oh oh, lalalala, lalalala, oh oh oh oh, remember christmas eve you were cryin, i guess you didnt really like the gifts, porno DVD's and see through underwear, i shoulda saved all that for ur sis, and i can still see your dad, runnin after me with a shovel in his hand, i don't remember much after that **

i just randomly started singin that there.. no idea why. but aye.. it amuses me =)

xx ♥

Tue, 21 Jun 2005 01:03:23 GMT

DoMePlz? =)

Any Offers? haha =p

xx ♥

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 16:21:06 GMT

Not only is there NEW HAIR .. but also .. IM SMILING IN THE PICTURES!.. except one.. n thats just.. fuckin un-natural, its cause i was talkin to someone who was makin me all laughy n smiley hehe =p =)

Aye.. i needed new pics.. cause i haven't taken any new ones for a while so ayeeeeee =) yas.. its like " sex on my head " as Lora so nicely put it heh =p but ayeee.. anyhoo..

Am off tae Ivory Blacks!

Byeee.

xx

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 03:56:53 GMT

Update whorin.. yasss.. *cool face*

=D

xx ♥

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 03:55:54 GMT

Memories =)

xx &hearts;

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 03:08:54 GMT

Des and Mel .. have shown me.. that the word " innit " has been stolen.. FROM NEWCASTLE PEOPLE!!

oh aye..

this is what not going to sleep does.. =)

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 02:07:20 GMT

Trishas on!! yasss!!

Should i make a family sized lot of spaghetti carbonara..? to put it into sum kinda perspective how much i have.. thers 1 Kg of it.. .. i could eat that.. *strokes chin*

xx ♥

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 00:49:42 GMT

yas, i have cherries =)

xx ♥

Sun, 19 Jun 2005 23:48:28 GMT

Yasssssssssssss

Tonight was amazin =)

even tho my singin was shite (i dont care what anyone says to me i could hear myself (every now and again) i knew it was shite dont fucking humour me lol =p)

Rockers is amaaazin, and all the bands we played with were kl, except T.K.S.P *cough*ripoff*cough* coz we didnt talk to them.. cause they were like.. 12.. but yeah.. lol

T.K.S.P were on first.. n.. they.. wel i wouldnt say they were awful but they were nuthin amazin.. lol i wouldnt go see them of my own free will..

Then we went on.. cause we're amazin.. ye no =) opened with.. of course.. Eye Of The Tiger.. haha was gooooooood ppl clapped.. we were happy.. then we played The Quietest Always Screams Loudest *cough*whichisonmyspace www.myspace.com/myheartlessapology *cough* =) n yeeeh.. people seemed to like it..? speshuly ma wee solo.. yas.. lol =p .. aaah a cant b fucked listin out all the songs we played but it was good, played 2 alkaline trio covers =) hell yes n private eye which had the singer from Missin' a Bit goin a bit crazy.. but it was kl lol

Missin' a Bit were on after us, then the mosh pits started.. hahah Jordan just kept chuckin everyone in.. but it was fun.. everyone was pure fucked by the end of them playin n i lost my wallet.. =| =( but Paul found it at the end =D yassss

Then Revenge of The Squirrels came on n more mosh pitttts.. and.. i wasnt really paying attention to them.. was too busy jumpin into randoms FACES.. aye.. was gd.. =)

Then Buttwiser came on.. but they took like 20 minutes gettin ready.. bastards.. so i went n stood up the back.. n couldnt be fucked goin back to the pit lol so i js got my guitar n bag n went n stood with oonagh n eilidh n helen n lauren n natalie, n then clare n paul n adam n kevin n jonny came over every now and again.. and clare.. for some reason.. punched a empty bottle of water tht was on the table and it hit off sum woman.. aye.. well done clare.. lol =p so ayeeee.. left.. worried about the lost wallet.. got the train home n there was no conductor so it was kl =)

Every band that played tonight was on the same train haha it was gd, most of them live in bearsden.. *nods* klness.. well not every band.. Missin' a Bit weren't coz they're from motherwell.. but aye.. they were on the same platform as the rest of us.. =p

So ayeeeeeee.. came home.. Paul phoned me n told me he found my wallet =) so im quite happy, Kev left his zipper in my bag.. put it on.. ther was a big difference in.. width.. lol =p NAE OFFENCE KEVIN LIEK! =p

Aye.. came home.. sat down.. drank lots of fanta coz Rockers are fuckin extortionate.. A POUND FOR A BOTTLE OF WATER! WATER SHOULD BE FREE!! oooft.. anyhoo..

aye =) overall was a feckin amaaaaaazinly fun night, a love playin at gigss tis grand fun, everyone should be in a band lol =p

Next gigs at Barfly on the 12th of July, get goin!! £4 =)

Anyhooooos am off

Nitenite. xxx ♥♥

p.s that was a relatively big update.. haha =p.. maybe ill update more often n one of those giant ones won't happen again.. =)

Fri, 17 Jun 2005 01:56:07 GMT

I lie awake
I’ve gone to ground
I’m watching ~~porn~~
In my hotel dressing gown
Now I dream of you
But I still believe
There’s only enough for one in this
~~Lonely~~ hotel suite

The journey’s long
And it feels so bad
I’m thinking back to the last day we had
Old moon fades into the new
Soon I know I’ll be back with you
I’m nearly with you
I’m nearly with you

When I’m weak I draw strength from you
And when you’re lost I know how to change your ~~mood~~
And when I’m down you breathe life over me
Even though we’re miles apart we are each other’s
Destiny..

On a ~~clear~~ day
I’ll fly home to you
I’m bending time getting back to you
Old moon fades into the new
Soon I know I’ll be back with you
I’m nearly with you
I’m nearly with you

When I’m weak I draw strength from you
And when you’re lost I know how to change your ~~mood~~
And when I’m down you breathe life over me
Even though we’re miles apart we are each other’s
Destiny..

When I’m weak I draw strength from you
And when you’re lost I know how to change your ~~mood~~
And when I’m down you breathe life over me
Even though we’re miles apart we are each other’s
Destiny..

I’ll fly, I’ll fly home
I’ll fly home and I’ll ~~fly home~~

---------------------------

This is THEE fucking sexxx song.

If you don't own it download it right fucking now..

xx ♥ ♥

Thu, 16 Jun 2005 19:01:40 GMT

haven't actually made a proper update for a while.. hmm..

might try that just now..

so whats been happenin with daffid u ask.. .. or not.. well not much to be honest.. failed most of my exams for sure.. but i've left school now so i couldn't really give 2 fucks, applied for a job at Tescos, they are yet to contact me and give me an interview, doubt they'll be very interested in taking on a 16 year old with a large fringe a lip piercing for some reason tho.. hmm..

Things pickin up with the band.. recorded our song for the cancer research cd we're gonna be on.. thats up on ye olde myspace.. played at bishy gala day.. which was gd fun.. playin at Rockers this sunday.. and Barfly on the 12th of July, awoo.. shd b interesting to say the least..

**i fucking love zero 7**

Ehmm.. i hate relationships! yay! not plannin on bein in one of them for a while.. gna just.. be single.. try find someone who won't fuck me over.. over.. and over..

I plan on drinking lots for the time being that i am not at school and awaiting my entrance to college, which should be fun, some fucking change from all the hassle that you get in school.. might actually enjoy it.. and not see waking up early as a fuckin chore..

Goin' to college with Paul =) should be good, me and him always have fuckin great laughs when we hang out together, pure **matrix fightin about the town n that, Le Parkour down by Fat Boabs, OAM fuckin yass..**

Startin to drift away from some friends.. which i'm really not happy about.. they all seem to have fun times goin into town leavin me n Paul sittin ourselves in our houses, i don't want to just fall apart from the friends that i've made cause i really do fucking love them, even though we all have our wee fights and make fun of each other and all that kinda stuff.. we all really are great friends.. n i don't wanna lose somethin like that..

**David likes electronica music.. oh yes..**

I wanna go get wasted.. who wants to come with me.. right now.. not in the happiest moods so turning to alcohol is always a grand fuckin option, guarantee you all i become an alcoholic or addicted to some form of hard drug within the next 10 years.. If i don't die within that time..

I'm enjoying making this update.. although i doubt ANYONE has read this far into it.. but it's fine.. i'm findin it quite enjoyable to just write down everything thats been on my mind lately.. nice to just vent it all out somewhere.. =)

I've decided i am in fact too nice/trusting/forgiving it really works out fuck all in my favour.. so from now on i'm not gonna sugarcoat anything i say to anyone.. i'm not gonna trust people as easily as i do and i'm definately not gonna be as fuckin forgivin as i have been up until now, cause you never know... that person that you've decided to forgive.. to give another chance.. might just throw it all back in your face.. and all because im

Mr. Fucking-Nice-Guy

I hate how i'm so friendly to everyone.. ( Well not the people i like, i like being friendly to people that i know DESERVE to have someone being friendly to them) but its the assholes that i hate myself for being friendly to, even the people that i fucking despise and i know who also despise me back, I try to be as fucking civil and friendly to as i possibly can, but it's really not worth it in the end, why should i make a fucking effort to try and solve shit which started for no reason when theres no chance of it working out.. so.. fuck it..

ANYWAY

What else can i possibly write about..

hmm..

*contemplates*

OhJesus.. never thought i'd make an update as big as this.. yet.. i can't seem to stop typing.. how odd..

**Who wants to be my ladyeeees?**

We can make a wee crew.. and i'll be like the pimp.. and we'll walk around.. and go down clydeside and drink good old vodkarrr and irn bru ( yas Lora =p ) and gd old cider.. it'll be a grand old time.. so aye.. make sure to message me on that and we'll sort it all out =p

**Go see my band playing you sexy sexy people**

Well.. i don't think theres much else i can say in this update.. when i stop making updates for a while you can all be sure that soon enough there will be another one of these BEASTS on its way..

So.. i guess.. i'll speak to you all later.. at some point or another..

LoveLove. x.X.x ♥♥♥

Tue, 14 Jun 2005 20:48:29 GMT

1.Who are you?

2. Are we friends?

3. When and how did we meet?

4. How have I affected you?

5. What do you think of me?

6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?

7. How long do you think we will be friends?

8. Do you love me?

9. Do you have a crush on me?

10. Would you kiss me?

11. Would you hug me?

12. Physically, what stands out?

13. Emotionally, what stands out?

14. Do you wish I was cooler?

15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?

16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.

17. Am I loveable?

18. How long have you known me?

19. Describe me in one word.

20. What was your first impression?

21. Do you still think that way about me now?

22. What do you think my weakness is?

23. Do you think I'll get married?

24. What makes me happy?

25. What makes me sad?

26. What reminds you of me?

27. If you could give me anything what would it be?

28. How well do you know me?

29. When's the last time you saw me?

30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?

31. Do you think I could kill someone?

32. Have we ever had sex?

33. Do you miss me?

34. Do you think i miss you?

35. Are you going to put this on your eljay and see what I say about you?

Sun, 12 Jun 2005 21:33:44 GMT

To everyone who reads this journal, or happens to come across it:

I want you to post anything that you want. Anything. Post a story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love - anything. Be sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post twice if you'd like, or 100 times and then put this in your LJ to see what your friends and perhaps others who you don't even realize read your LJ have to say.