mr_razorblade ([info]mr_razorblade) wrote,
@ 2005-06-26 00:33:00
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Current music:absm - divide by two

26 of June, 2005


Ok..

Heres the fucking big entry..

Cause it feels like a valid fucking time to make one..ok?


Well.. life is fucked..

How something so fucking important to you, that means so fucking much, that you depend on being there for your ENTIRE fucking life.. is taken away from you.. in a day.. what the fuck.. ( just so you know the word FUCK is going to take a very dominant part in this update.. )

I actually can't believe it's happened.. i can't believe it's happened.. why were we not informed of any signs.. of whateverw ould happen.. i know its not her fault, i will never EVER blame her for anything because she did fuck all wrong.. she just tried to live her life to a standard that she saw suitable.. that i saw suitable.. that her FAMILY saw suitable.. and she did a damn fucking good job of it

I can't believe i'm never going to see my own aunt again.. the strange thing is.. i can't remember my own grandads voice.. because i didn't think enough about it at time.. but i will be DAMNED if i'll ever forget how the coolest aunt in the history of the worlds voice sounded..

I hate not being able to remember things like that..

Just today.. walking about town. everything was fucking great.. everyone was happy.. yas.. we're gon tae get pished.. am quite pished right now to be honest.. but typing very VERY carefully.. but yeah anyway.. i was happy today..

Until my sister phoned me..

I actually went numb.. I couldn't believe it.. a phone call that i thought was about a fucking job application. was to take an effect on my life.. on louises <33 life .. on marks <33 life on stephens <33 life.. on my mums life <33..

I can't even imagine what she's going through just now..

Her own sister.. her YOUNGER sister.. the person she's grown up with.. been amazing friends with.. her entire life.. is now gone.. forever and how shite im feeling is absolutely NOTHING compared to what she feels..

( And you would not believe how shite i feel right now.. like.. .. ohgod i wont even say it )

I just want to be with my mum.. and hold her. and hug her.. and tell her i love her.. but i did that already.. for about half an hour.. i just sat there hugging her.. and then i walked into the kitchen..

And broke down into the worst crying ive ever done.. my sister heard me from the other room and had to come into the kitchen to try comfort me.. And then we came on here to speak to Louise <3 and told her if she ever needs anything NOT MATTER HOW SMALL OR HOW BIG she is to come to us.. because we are always here for her <33333333333

I don't even know what else to type..

My emotions are fucked..

I actually can't believe it..

I loved auntie margot so fucking much.. she was amazing, no-one could compare to her personality.. how happy she'd be every time i saw her.. i guess the only consolation is that she managed to see her daughter grow up into a woman.. now matter how young it was.. it happened.. and she was there for it..

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAREGHRGHHR *stab* i fucking hate how life works..

i'm gonna go now.. cause i dont know what else to type..


*i'm so brave, i'm in debt now, can you help me, PLEASE*


(10 comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]oxomandyoxo
2005-06-26 12:26 am UTC (link)
omg...never has an lj entry made me cry, except this one =(
im here to listen to you...just like youve been there for me.
*hugs tightly*.
xxxxx

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]x__plasticstars
2005-06-26 02:24 am UTC (link)
i shed tears also.


:(

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]miss_dragonish
2005-06-26 12:52 am UTC (link)
I can't say anything except my thoughts are with you, cannot imagine how awful what you're going through is.. and am always around if you need anything but just *hugs* david. xxx.

(Reply to this)


[info]benjifulgirl
2005-06-26 06:44 am UTC (link)
she was the fucking best n obv we both know it
i fucking wnat my mum back david :( i fucking want her back. im pure crying.

yknow omg.. omg.. i dunno...
but

this is totally off the point and im trying to take my mind off things.. so.

i read:
she ever needs anything NOT MATTER HOW SMALL OR HOW BIG she is to come to us.. because we are always here for her <33333333333

and i thought you meant to type
"how small or big IT is" n then i was laughing cause i thouht u were saying just cause im small doesnt mean i cant ask. then i thouht wait.
"how big or small she is" so no matter if im this age or a billion.. but the fact is.. ill always be small no matter what age i am i think :P

xx :)

i love you.
your moms coming to my house right now, i dont know if you are but yeah.
i hope to see you soon x

(Reply to this)


[info]_sameoldsongs_
2005-06-26 09:24 am UTC (link)
if you ever need someone to talk to, i'll return the invo that you said to me yesterday... *hugs*

this made me cry</3 xxx

(Reply to this)


[info]_dearsergio_
2005-06-26 09:33 am UTC (link)

David I'm here for you and Louise.
Seriously whenever you need to talk all you need to do is say my name and I'm there.

x

(Reply to this)


[info]_rainbow_fairy_
2005-06-26 11:55 am UTC (link)
God, hope you're gonna be okay David. Lots of hugs and love xxxxx

(Reply to this)


[info]princess_hever
2005-06-26 11:56 am UTC (link)
David im so sorry to hear what has happened.
I'l be hear for you whenever you need to talk. whenever.
Love you.
xXx

(Reply to this)


[info]princess_ponie
2005-06-26 12:39 pm UTC (link)
*hugs*

(Reply to this)


[info]debraska
2005-06-26 02:48 pm UTC (link)
All I can say I am here for you and thinking of you. And am always here if you need someone. *hugs for David*
Love you xxx

(Reply to this)

(10 comments) - (Post a new comment)

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